He gives me: Agony as a present... [[My present State of Mind]]

I have watched yhuu go.I have watched yhuu leave .

&&ma question is : was I living a lie?

A torn heart,easy catastrophy..to the question.I am not at all ready to answer.

The question that keeps lingering in ma mind, in ma lifestyle and in my very soul.

I wonder if love will ever come and find me.

I dream once again, But my heart tells me no.

It tells me be ready for heartache.&Fear onli what yhuu do not know.

For the question still lingers inside of me..like a unwashed dish still soaking..am I living a lie?..

.I never thought of suicide genocide or homicide..my mind is toO smart for that.

But sometimes my emotions take me so far in. Im afraid that I can't come back.

Its like a bad dream,,taunting me in my sleep,,quick to remind me this could one day happen to me.

&& when I am sleep I have no choice but to belive..my body is subdued && in possession of that terrible dream untill I have enough stregnth to wake up.R E A L I T Y..

Tired from sleep,Both my soul and spirit.this question has as much power as I give it

. But I can conclude that my life is concealed with make up.I have concluded that I would no longer live in my scars but I would thrive in memories.but the questions arises as lies spread out like fire.

Contradicting ,my happiness..I blaze and sitt and cry out bliss because I don't know what it feels like to be completely and permantley happy..

so my question,..I have no answer..but truth and sadness being carried on untill I rekindle this deferred flame that continues after......prior thoughts in ma mind put me to sleep again. I ca feel the muscles in my heart..beat. In a way that ignites my spirit with heat.

The thought of it all disapeering keeps my soul at ease.. Though the task at hand is uneasy..

I go thru it && I weep.because I know that this all just a process and none of it is mine to keep.

But was it tOO wrong for me to question ma thoughts? Im questioning now because,,I wanna know..

Did it make sense to test my memory?..tell me no..

but if yhuu tell me otherwise please give what I had yet to realize..there is gap..or a missing link..let it be answered and not untold.

let me know what's happens to my world.